Today in society a lot of people aren't very aware of their surroundings and how much of an impact what they say and do is really making.
The first time I really understood this was a couple of weeks after Cory had died. I was working at the local mall, on avery slow day. My coworker and I were talking trying to keep each other company when she came out and said, 'Ah! I'm so bored, I wanna shoot myself'.
She wasn't aware of what had recently happened in my life and she couldn't understand why I instantly started crying. She didn't understand how as soon as she said that, I started panicking and couldn't breath. She didn't understand that even those few words to her, meant she was so bored, how intensely they sent such a hard, confusing fury throughout my entire body.
Until I had gone through this specific experience, I wouldn't have understood it either. But now I do, And it makes me wonder about what other people have experienced and how what I say everyday can effect them. For example: One day my best friend told me she loved me, and how she said it was 'I love you more than a back alley hooker loves crack'. To me I laughed and thought it was hilarious.. But then I got to thinking. What if someone who had been listening knew someone who was addicted to crack? Or was a back alley hooker? What she said could have been very offensive. Now that example, was a little far fetched. Maybe. But that's the point. You never ever know. Every single person has had such a wide range of experiences in their life, that you can't even guess how it has affected them.
Just be careful what you say, because even if it's funny to you. It could change someone's whole day, or week, or month, year or life. Make sure that what you say, you are aware of what it actually means. Make sure that you are aware (as much as you can be) of who is around you and what they have gone through. No matter the topic, religion, race, politics or personal experiences like mine. Be aware.
I just read through all of your blogs. I am so grateful that you shared this with me. I am sorry that I haven't been there more for you. Don't know if that is even what you want, or wanted. I wish I could ease the pain and suffering some how. I felt a very small portion of it as I read your entries. I hope you can feel as amazing as you appear to so many of us. Truly. It seems that to some this life is full of ease and bliss. Then to others it seems to be nothing but an uphill battle. If I had to choose between the two, call me crazy, I choose the latter. Along with all of the pain, sorrow, doubt, suffering, confusion, depression, guilt, comes their extreme opposites. Comfort, happiness, clarity, joy, freedom. Sure the ones that seem to have ease and bliss get to experience these things, but not in their most plain and indescribable purity. The kind of purity that comes after having experienced their opposites. I love you and sincerely pray that you may enjoy these indescribable purities that I am talking about. If there is anything I can do to help, just ask.
ReplyDeleteAdam
Thank you Adam,
ReplyDeleteWith just the fact that you are reaching out and taking part in my blog means so much to me. I too would choose the difficult road, as hard as it's been.. I wouldn't be who I am without all my trials and mistakes. They are all helping me learn and shape who I am. I love and appreciate the support!
Jasmine