Why is a Question We Ask Way to Often

This song.

This song and the lyrics explain how I felt after he passed away. I cry my eyes out EVERY TIME I hear it, without fail.

I'll do my very best to explain how it makes me feel.

Well to start, I always used to ask why. Why would he leave us? Why would he think that this was okay? Why? Why? Why?

I used to drive myself absolutely mad trying to figure out how anybody in their right mind could take their life.

Then I realized, he wasn't in his right mind.

This for me took a long time to accept. But knowing that he was ill does bring a bit of peace to me, a bit of understanding.. not anywhere near what I need. But? It helps. Every little millimeter of progress helps.

Eventually I realized that I can't keep asking myself why. Because there are some things, and some answers that we are just never going to get. This too, was very hard to accept. Its something that is taking me a very long time and will time quite a bit more.

But I'm slowly coming along.

I've also decided to post the lyrics in case some parts are harder to understand. For me, reading the lyrics brings out a whole different set of feelings than the song. Both very emotional and both very hard to deal with.. both feelings that I want to avoid.

                                                                          "Why"

You must have been in a
Place so dark
You couldn't feel the light
Reachin' for you through
That stormy cloud
Now here we are
Gathered in our little hometown
This can't be the way
You meant to draw a crowd

[Chorus]
Oh why, that's what I keep asking
Was there anything I could've
Said or done
Oh, I had no clue you were
Masking
A troubled soul, God only knows
What went wrong and why
You would leave the stage
In the middle of a song

Now in my mind I'll keep you frozen
As a seventeen-year-old
Rounding third to score the
Winning run
You always played with passion
No matter what the game
When you took the stage
You'd shine just like the sun

[Chorus]
Oh why, that's what I keep asking
Was there anything I could've
Said or done
Oh, I had no clue you were
Masking
A troubled soul, God only knows
What went wrong and why
You would leave the stage
In the middle of a song

Now the oak trees are swaying
In the early autumn breeze
A golden sun is shining on my face
Through tangled thoughts
I hear a mockingbird sing
This old world really ain't that
Bad of a place

Oh why, there's no comprehending
And who am I to try to
Judge or explain
Oh, but I do have one
Burning question
Who told you life wasn't
Worth the fight
They were wrong, they lied
Now you're gone and we cry
'Cause it's not like you to
Walk away
In the middle of a song

Your beautiful song
Your absolutely beautiful song

I wish that I could explain in a better way all the emotions and thoughts running through my head as I read over these lyrics and play this song. But for those of you who are reading this, I think you'll understand. And my advice to you is this.. Don't ask why. It really only leads to trouble and more questions, more why's. More confusion, heartache and pain. Just take this situation for what it is. Focus on the good, and slowly try to move forward.